When having sip , i hope 4 holiday , When it is holiday , i hope sch faster start man ... totally bored of my life ...i have been thinking 4 quite some time ... wad is my purpose in life where i don like so many thing , a very major one i guess is communication ,well is jus harder to trust other with e condition i experiencing ...day by day ... i losing faith with e word friend ...wad r they , y do they come into yr life , n in another moment they disappear ...y do i feel so weird in a way when they r there 4 me den i thought is better 4 me to leave ...it is really my own prob , or is it others , i wonder ... whenever i wonder abt thing , there wont be a finally ans ...in e end same question will come back to u again e next time round ...
Is it becos of e word "trust " ... i rmb when i was in pri sch teacher will ask : wad i wan to be when i grow up ?policeman ? ...at that time is so easy to ans this question becos u don have any doubt abt it , u simply trust yrself u can make it ... u can become one of it ...but now , having too many doubt i don even dare to dream anymore ...wad can i dream on being gd in study ...nah ... being strong in gym ... nah ...if think carefully during e time in dragonboat was really my strongest period ...being good in game or computer as if i got play like that ... being friendly to other ... i guess i leaving one by one ... i don even trust myself in anything i can do anymore ....how to trust others???ppl r enriching themselves in their life each day ...is jus hard to catch up to them ... overtime it really become a pressure n stress which i think i really lose confident in ...
Rite now ... i guess wad i really miss most is a camp ...where ppl dono each other n it was like a new beginning where is start from introduce ...but it only last a while ...so is useless ... nth help ...
hmm jus some random posting with some random thoughts ...
11 more days to my birthday ... i still wondering ... y ppl call it Happy birthday ...y cant be Sad birthday , if on that day , i don feel happy nor excited at all but is a birthday but den y ppl call it a HAPPY birthday , i don understand ,
Anyway no offend , this year like jus any other year ... i don wan to celeb it ... i don think much ppl will read my blog but ...whoever read it ...Really no offend ... not i bigshot or wad ... i jus give up ...simple on this day ... is nth special ...maybe 3 group of u may help me cele
1)All r my friend ...but everyone come in pair , only me , i don wan to feel disappointed in a way that only me r single . i also don like it if u all come but without e other half .. i don like it as well cos all r my friend haiya ... i dono how to explain laaa...
2) No point rushing ...is jus a night ... n i guess is better off u take yr time n maybe have yr dinner with e other maybe a victory dinner also if it happen to be that day as well ? jus feel that u r busy enough... don wan u to rush ... take yr time n relax ba ... other day would be e same ...
3) Though everything is already plan on 31st ...but i guess i really don wan it to be on that day ... u should know y ...
if anyone of u read u know which group u r in ...seriously no offend abt anything ... is jus a day cele anot doesnt really matter ...beside ... now is morning 6.17am ... later when i wake up i gg to buy myself a big present le ... with it ..is gd enough le ... that all i wan to post ... if jus so happen no one read ...guess have to reject one by one making myself more guilty n worst only ... hais ...
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Monday, October 18, 2010 10/18/2010
Finally i gg to blog again ... i dono where my life is heading ...seriously i have no idea how it is gg to be ... but i guess if i did something wrong den let it wrong all e way ba ... 1st i wont go to anymore outing with that group anymore ...not that i angry ...but as a group is jus so hard to arrange so hard to pls everyone .. so hard to even decided a common idea of how our outing we wan to be .. as a group there jus so much disagreement . there too much forcing here n there ... i really wont wan a nice outing to be ruin by me anymore ... i decided to leave it ... Gdbye should be 4 year plus group friend... meet personally out one by one i find it better i guess ... nvm ..next i really sad ... all my friend r now attach ...working in mooncake is rather tough ah ... all finding gf 4 me now ah !!!i dono should i said thx or should i feel sad sia .. is a joke isnt it ... haa ...y jerone not there at least someone will be with me SAME !!! wahaha ...ok not in e mood to joke ... but since year one till now ... lifestyle start to change isnt it ... slowly hope lucas got his gf ... =) ben n phebe , benson n saylee , derek n fm , wei jian n liang eng , all in this group r all attach ...though all i know quite well especially ben n phebe like super close with any of them... however sometime said when there is a gap between there really have ... i jus dono how to put it to word is like so close with them yet knowing there a gap in between that line ... well i don use hope ...everyone last long n wait till i join man !!!by e time Amy le no need find liao ... hais ...Next thing have been really stress ... i think i sick till dono wad i am doing le ... report finish logbook one more week to do only , but there jus alot of stress within myself , with R ... n many more ... exam coming ... essay is alot of stress ... i feel it now already idk y ... work after sch till late sep , exam oct , n not to forgot driving ...after that friend go other country to enjoy , to dono where , some sch outing to Germany , den wad do i do den ... at hm all day alone ba ... seriously i a no life person ever since i go poly ... i really miss those time where friend r so much closer , so much nearer , where i feel so much comfortable n better .. but miss is still a miss ... have to come back to reality somehow ...
i try every meant to win back ... but in reality we can be friend only den let be ba ... i feel that my brain have over burn n use not 4 study but to stress myself up over many many occasion jus 4 that moment to make u happy , but in reality it last less den a day of happyness but i upset u e rest of e month , in such a way ... there is wad use ??... relationship is nvr abt giving but security n feeling , if u feel so insecure den there no point 4 me to change , cos no matter how i change i am who i am ... i really dono how ... it drag long enough isnt it , everytime back to square one n history repeated itself dono how many countless times ... it have become a habit isnt it .. it so hard to let go , is so hard to bear with it as well ... i lost ...i really dono wad i aiming n heading ... hais ...
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Wednesday, September 8, 2010 9/08/2010
Start working again ... but cant earn as much cos still got sch ...final report n log book ... driving ...very tired man .... not funny really tired!!! ...Zzzzz ... this will carry on till oct man ... one month plus to go ... =( ...
sometime even if u know e ans is wad in yr heart ...
it jus feel better by hearing it from that person u love
n
ppl only wan to listen wad they wish to heard ...
even they know is a lie they will chose to believe it ...
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Sunday, August 29, 2010 8/29/2010
So fast ... we meet again ... maybe is too good to be truth ... hardly believe it ... but ... is really nice ... sometimes thing i wan ... i jus don said ...in fact i pushing it away ... rushing her hm ...instead of letting her be with me a little longer ... well well ... thing really go back to where we were a few years back... but i know ... thing have change ... in fact ... among us four ppl ...i know i e only one that can leave e past behind n move on ...is like taking drug ... meet once ... n u wan more n more of it ... n when u cant get it ... i will jus get sad all of a sudden 4 a period of time ... hais ... i try to control ... but is not as easy as u see wad i have been doing daily ... but i will alway try to put on a smile each times ... it would be nice to smile den give an awkward face or feeling ... sometime fooling ard is so much better to those who r close to me ... so that when in btw ... u wan to tell them something that real from yr bottom of yr heart ... they take it as a joke or a lies .. at least it make me easier to said thing out ...but ppl may not trust e way u r ... but well ... i don have much close friend ... so it alright ... i know they will understand ... in fact ... i think only jerone know how to diff word i said is a joke or not ..( well not gd ah ...let one ppl understand too well is a bad thing ) ... well ..today ... i carry both a happy n a sad mood 4 e dinner ... later part i guess i did wrong again ... Word like "REGRET ...if next time i have any prob i WONT TELL ... SWEAR...i'm doing FINE " i dono y lei ... suddenly pissed me off ... disappointment as usual ...n i guess wad i said later was nasty as well sry ... so hais .. sad ... well well ... during outing i was thinking ...if i suddenly hold yr hand .. will i get push away immediately or will u hope it as tightly as i 'm ??? ... actually i should know e ans ... but sometime ... hearing it is far better den guessing it even i know wad e ans really is .....NOW ... i tired ... i sad ... i happy ... n i confused ... n i know something in btw ... i don said cos i know i don wan n cannot spoil e mood ... even now i know ...but i guess i should not blog it out ... but that part i really sad ... but i carry it myself jiu hao liao ... wa so late le ... maybe is time i go rest liao ...
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Monday, August 16, 2010 8/16/2010
Today have alot of up n down thought ... firstly i skip my ltt 4 no reason e 1st time ... i finish my project le ... beside sanding n making it shiny only... well .. so half day off ba... n watch inception today ... A dream inside a dream ah ? some part of e show really make me wonder it is real anot ... like we human being while sleeping ... our other part of e brain really thinking or function or den usual that make a dream so real ...actually there no ans ah ... enjoy e dream if it is a gd one ... if like that show stuck in e dream with e love one 4 so long ... den that jus so sad ... ='( haha ... well well overall i should rate it 9.5/10 ... super nice show =) ...
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Friday, July 30, 2010 7/30/2010
