How do ppl define as life ...some said , as long as they have games that life ,while other said as long as they go out with friend shopping all that watch movies go out eat that life ,so does life mean something u can be entertained to and have friend with , that life ? is it? often i see classmate often meet up on9 playing dota , while other playing food restaurant in facebook , all this seem so enjoyable and e next day have fun toking abt it blah blah blah ...but wad do i have in life , i find myself so lifeless , i don play those game , neither do i wan to play it , it not jus pure lazy , it jus so boring n lonely ,at least last time i do have some fun in outing , eating ,watching movies , aim but now its seem like nth , e something i use to have fun in , is now so blank n empty , now seeing thing back , i really miss it , a miss that can as if make me cry , a miss that seem exist n think it may happen again but was extinct , it doesnt matter in friendship , relationship , or even teammate , it all seem to be disappearing , i don blame but i cant lies that i not sad , instead i dono wad is e purpose in living , there no point in gg to sch to study play psp alone or even watch anime alone in my room ,everything is so lonely , even thing i know is there 4 me , but there some part of me i jus dono y , i simple don accept it that is there , instead i jus wan to push everything away , i don wan accept other but yet i wan , is like so confused , ytd sunday ,it have been a tough day 4 me in my cca , something bad happen , at night a new hope was create but end up e same , so isnt me lonely again , there no hope 4 me , i sad that i bad at something , but i dono will i be glad that if i will to give up on something? who can tell me wad to do ? i dono but i have yet to decided on 2 thing maybe i will give up tgt maybe i quit one or maybe i carry on with both i dono , i still haven decide but is hard really , i lost ,...............n now i can only miss , miss e day of gd time with my ex , miss e gd time i have with a group of 7 , miss e team we once play soccer tgt , miss e joke n camp once have , miss e class that once teach by sharon tan , miss e subject of amath n dnt , miss e workshop i once use , miss e poly camp i have alot of new friends, miss e camp outing , miss e dragonboat team when we once use to be so bonded n have fun pain n sweat without any reason or complain , miss e poly class when i have a friend to tok with play with but now seem to be a little cold to me , miss e time that i use to wait at e bustop 4 him but now i purely jus late late n late , miss e time i wait wait wait 4 her but now there no longer to wait but only to chat with , i miss e past , n alot more , but is seem like sometime thing r jus out of e control , ppl change life change when enviroment change , it cant be blame , but it cant be simply accept either , so it doesnt change e fact that i still so lonely n lost , n now even with time some things r jus beyond control , there no longer e Ric i am or i use to be, there only e loner Ric i now am i guess , i now have 0 aim , 1 term test to worry , 2 decision to make , 3 quiz coming ahead , 4 group of junior to take care of , 5 6 7 8 9 n so on of unknown i miss ,
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Monday, May 18, 2009 5/18/2009
