It has been long, time flies ...so fast den i didnt even notice it myself , many things come n goes , jus like u , jus like my finger , jus like all e project , jus like e dragonboat team , all this r coming to an end ,NO!!! they have already ended in my heart , it nvr felt so unreal be4 , doesnt it ?It's all gone , my dream , my will-power, my aim , all this use to part of me ...but is now so far so far away from me , even e one i hope is now ended , i have nth left in life , nth left , i felt so lonely n pathetic , but i guess nth will help anymore . i have lose everything , i even lose myself ...Few months back is a hell ...hell of pain , who will understand it ,if they have nvr experience it be4 , that pain that let u feel like a handicap , that stress in financial prob , that hope that someone will be there 4 u ... Few months later from there , things haven change , is still a hell , hell of hopeless, friend tease at my handicap , ppl leaving me , even those challenge with e team , is now no longer a challenge , how far can i go , i really wonder ...I look alright when i with friend but deep now who really understand me ? i cant take joke like this ...seriously , i cant take it when someone jus said it so easily that since i quitting dragonboat soon y still dare to wear that team temasek dragonboat shirt , it pissed me off , i swear , i pissed at myself even more , who will know how tough is dragonboat , days by days pushing our limit in e gyms in e boats, hours n hours of sweat n tears , e number of disappointment when we lose a race , but at least we buddy , senior n junior r tgt at those time , but now i wasnt even part of them now, how much i lag behind who know that stress of losing to yr buddy , losing that challenge n dare to go back like nth have happen in a few months later , it have to start from e sketch , e beginning , i very stress , worse i have been tease that i a handicap, its truth that i have a scar left behind , n i cant do much of pulling staff like pull up , but didnt i try , i try to go gym n build up didnt i , that effort was ended up like a joke to be tease , a handicap !!! i really pisses , pisses at myself again 4 being so careless n injure myself , fucking pissed , n i fucking no need anyone to pity me , don said something like "will be there" n "let train tgt Again" those r bullshit , really bullshit that i will tears in my heart , those word hurts e most out of all the word that ppl said , really !!! my heart cant take it , i no longer have anything to lost except my family member , i really miss my grandmother , have to really visit her , at least that will make me feel better ,Now that i lag behind in everything i really don have e will to fight anymore , if it mean better 4 u that i let go n leave u alone , i will , i lost u , i lost my cca , i lose to myself ,i jus have to find something really fun again ,n guess wad ...i found it, but once again jus like u all said ...i'm handicap , i will wan to earn money 1st was an excuse ,i could not even box or give a full punch in my right due to it , i'm sad n depressed , but i guess it's my own responsibility to control e outcome ...wasnt it ? since i make it till like that , i guess it's mean to accept wad is have become ba , wad really arouse ppl to surpress their limit wasnt it when they have something important like hope n dream to protect , but 4 me , i guess it e end , i may maintain wad i am , but i guess i nvr will try anything crazy , any fun or creative idea on n of those day again , Simply to put it, my life r jus as pathetic as how it is look , rite ? n thx 4 those who really waste their time reading this blog , n exam r near , gd luck , n take care ....
waiting 4 u to come back to me , Friday, August 14, 2009 8/14/2009
